How To Make Android Toxic Hellstew

20140603_181826During the Apple WWDC 2014 keynote this week, CEO Tim Cook brazenly declared the Android mobile platform a “Toxic Hellstew!” Sure the words actually came from This Article, and Cook clearly attributed it to Adrian Kingsley-Hughes of ZDNET. But the Internet, which Al Gore invented of course, has never been a place to squabble over facts.

Never mind the fact that the highlight of the WWDC keynote was a reference to Android. We were talking about stew now, and I was hungry. I pressed the button on my toxic phone and asked the googles for a hellstew recipe. Sadly, I got back only results for hangover cures and anti-toxins. Maybe Tim Cook was right about this Android thing.

Platform wars aside, I wanted some stew. So in the grand tradition of Android I made my own:

Android Toxic Hellstew


  • Olive oil
  • 1 Onion (chopped)
  • 1 tbsp minced garlic
  • 1lb beef (cubed)
  • 2 russet potatoes (finely chopped)
  • 2 cups beef or vegetable stock
  • 1 can (15oz) diced tomato
  • 1 can (4oz) chopped green chiles (because androids are green!)
  • 1 can (15oz) pintos
  • 1 tsp chili powder
  • salt
  • pepper


Place your stew pot over high heat and bring to temperature.

Drain and wash the pintos.

Coat bottom of pot with olive oil. Add onions and stir fry until soft.


Add beef and garlic. Continue to stir fry until the beef is lightly browned.


Add the beef or vegetable stock, tomatoes, green chiles, potatoes, pintos and chili powder.

Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer until the potatoes dissolve. Add salt and pepper to taste.


Serve with tortilla chips or rice. And, of course, no Android Toxic Hellstew is complete without Kit-Kats.


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